Dear Gov. Palin,
Thank you very kindly for your audition tonight for the role of Vice-President of the United States. I could tell you rehearsed a long time and put your heart and soul into the attempt. However, it seems that there was a miscommunication about the event this evening. Since we know we sent the correct information, I can only assume your staff somehow mixed it up with something else. Perhaps an old beauty pageant letter was handed to you by mistake.
First and most crucial, this wasn't meant to be an audition. It was meant to be a debate. This means you were supposed to be able to speak off the cuff in response to both the questions and the commentary from Sen. Biden. You managed to do that some of the time, but the bulk of your responses were clearly from the script you memorized.
Second, the quality of your script choice and training were lacking in several key areas. When your debate opponent is able to prove your script was inaccurate without taking notes to remind himself of what you said, it's a safe bet your writer didn't do enough research. Also, the keyword memorization you were put through didn't take into account the possibility the questions might require answers lacking references to terrorism, motherhood, Alaska, or hockey. And telling a widower who lost a child in the same accident that killed his first wife that he doesn't know how it is to face a difficult parenting situation is what most rational people call an opportunity to show humanity and apologize after you are called on it. Launching into a talking point is not.
Finally, borrowing lines from past debates is inevitable, but using Ronald Reagan's "There you go again" went past cliché and straight into territory once occupied by Dan "Kennedy" Quayle. Many of us have no love for the late President Reagan, but he had more time in office under his belt without including PTA-level experience when he was elected than you do. He was also a far more eloquent speaker. Inviting comparison to the patron saint of the neoconservative movement was a risky move that we sincerely doubt will succeed with more than your established base.
Since there will be no second debate, we hope you can accept this critique in the spirit in which it is offered. You will receive the country's decision by noon Eastern time on November 5 barring extreme circumstances.